The Good Guilt Trip
Take a trip with me for a minute. Imagine that today you decided to shoplift. If you are like me, that thought makes you edgy and nervous. If you are not like me, you can consider it with no feeling of discomfort at all. If you are a regular shoplifter, it might even give you a bit of a thrill. It makes me feel bad. Why? My great-nephew lived with me for a while. He believed that if he felt bad, it was incumbent upon everyone else to placate him. He would stage elaborate tantrums, public meltdowns, and crying fits. Creating feelings of guilt or shame in others was his reliable strategy. He was nine years old and never had to do anything he didn't want to do, or eat anything he didn't want to eat (at 9, he had never eaten a sandwich, soup, or vegetable until the 9 months he lived with us). Certainly, the kind of guilt that my relative used was a self-serving, manipulative, control strategy. It's not uncommon. I have known adults well into their sixties who wer...